So like just about every other student in the world I've had exams over the past few weeks - A Levels to be precise. Now, I wouldn't class myself as dumb, or say that I don't try hard in my classes and revise whenever I need to, because I do. So why do I find it so difficult in the situation when I'm sat in a hall with all my classmates to write an essay or answer t0 an exam question exactly like I would if I were sat in the classroom?
Of course nerves have a big part to play, but everyone gets nervous. I'm nervous for the entirety of the day right up until we go in, where I actually feel calm, prepared and ready to face this head on.
I've currently sat three exams this summer, one went well (fingers crossed) and the other two weren't so great. It's not a case of my mind going blank really, at least I don't think so. It's just that somewhere in between my brain and my pen everything gets confused and it's been that way for a few years now. I have an idea of what I want to say, but when it comes to me actually wording it everything turns to pot and it drives me crazy. Literally my exam paper has so many crosses through it, stars, arrows, frustrated scribbling out - it's ridiculous.
Timing. Yes, that's probably my biggest issue. I've learnt to bring my own watch in to the exams, because of alphabetical ordering I tend to end up pretty much at the back of the hall (as far away from their clock and board with the end time - which is written in the faintest and most unreadable pen ever may I just add - I wear glasses and am short sighted, really really frustrating...). I try my hardest to stick to timings and remember/revise them meticulously. Take my english exam today, 30, 60, 15, 25, 20 minutes... so why doesn't it work out that way?
I get frustrated after these types of exams. I usually come out shaking right from my core - as I am now just recounting this. I don't just get annoyed for myself and my grades, I get annoyed and angry because I know that I could do so much better and if it wasn't for this hurdle then I'd be getting grades that actually reflect the work and amount of effort that I put in to the classes throughout the year.
It upsets me too. I'm tired of letting people down around me who've worked so hard throughout the year to teach me all of the tools that I need to be successful in the exam. I feel like a failure. But I know that I'm not, because as I mentioned earlier this is just a hurdle, and they're there to climb over or to get around somehow. I also get upset with the fact that I seem to be one of the only ones who come out of the exam and have this to deal with - I'm glad that no one else does though because it's a horrible situation to be in.
After my experiences with exams it would be easy for me to give up. But, through recent events, I've learnt that I do not quit at anything. I've worked to over come things in the past and I will work to over come this. I am not going to let this defeat me. After all, practise makes perfect - and I've certainly had A LOT of that!
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