]
Dear Caitlin,
I'd just like to say thank you. Thank you for just being you. Thank you for helping me accept who I am and for inspiring me to do what I truly believe in and want to do for the rest of my life.
For the past few years I've had my eye on you - in a totally uncreepy way (kind of...), and over this time you have taught me many life lessons and ultimately shown me that it is ok to just be me.
There's no need for an Xfactor sob story here; the only thing I need to say is that it's not been easy. Actually, far from it. You see, from a young age I was ridiculed and bullied for the way that I look. The way I look is because of a disability that I have no control over, I cannot change it and so I have to make the most of what I have and just learn to "work it".
It's taken far too many years for me to learn that actually it's okay to be different and to look different. In fact, it's something that I still battle with now and to some degree probably will for the rest of my life. In the past I've suffered with depression, anxiety, self harm and low self-confidence and esteem. It was defining who I was and the way that people perceived me, and that wasn't right or fair - I was so much more than just my difficulties.
You have inspired me to just love what I have and strive for what I want, and that's to write. It's all I've ever wanted to do - in any capacity or which way. Like you, I've had the love for writing for a very long time, but I'm always crippled by the thought that I'm not good enough, or that who would want to hear my stories and experiences. I haven't lived a wild life or done anything particularly exciting. I have lived though. I've dealt with things others wouldn't even dream of.
You said something tonight that will probably stay with me for a very long time, it was something along the lines of, "If you go through life pessemistically you will close doors, whereas if you go about it with optimism you leave yourself open and free - not constrained". I think that I need to start living by that a lot more. I'm always the quiet one with all the thoughts but that never has the courage to speak up. I need to stop and realise that actually what I have to say is just as important as anyone else.
Another thing that stuck with me is that sometimes in life you just have to "make it up", or "fake it" - that's so true. I'm tired of living a half life and not chasing my dreams so freely. I think I need to go to London in my dressing gown and straw hat just on a voyage of self-discovery.
At the tiny age of 20 I know what I want to do. I want to write, inspire, and live out the wild and crazy dreams that I have kept locked within the walls of myself for far too long.
So Caitlin, thank you. You inspire me to be the best version of myself that I could ever even imagine. You just do you, and that's fabulous - there needs to be more people like you in the world. This perhaps is a love letter, because I do bloody love you so much (even more than Adele, and that's really saying something - trust me).
Can we be best friends now, please?
All my love, admiration and slight fan-girl-ness,
Jemma xxx
No comments:
Post a Comment