i can, and i will

Sometimes I forget just how strong I am, sometimes I forget how loved I am, and sometimes I forget just how much I have to live for. Today was one of those days where I remembered how loved I was, and how worthy of life and goodness I am. But more importantly, this evening I reminded myself just how strong I am.

I had one of the loveliest afternoons with some friends over; I cooked a roast dinner and we just sat around talking and drinking non-alcoholic "wine". They arrived with wine and flowers, and by the time they left my stomach was full of good food, and my soul was nourished by their company.

But then I crashed, and I don't know why. I can have the most wonderful day, and be the happiest little thing. But it's almost as if my brain gets confused with too much emotion and doesn't how to process the happiness and gets it confused for sadness. And so, a few hours after my friends left, I found myself crying in to an actual alcoholic glass of wine and wondering why I felt so incredibly alone and isolated.

In total honesty, I wanted to be destructive in my negative thought-processes, and I was close to making a bad decision. But then I just had to actually look at what was happening. Nothing is wrong, I've had a great day. There was literally no reason for me feeling like that.

So, I snapped myself out of it before it got worse. I ditched the wine for a cup of tea, a book, a blanket, and snuggled up on the sofa ready for an early night. I could have easily made a mistake tonight that would have left a permanent scar on my body. But I didn't.

It's times like these that I'm reminded of how much stronger I am than before. I am blessed to have people in my life that remind me of my strength, and of the importance of the little things in life.

One of the most important things that I am beginning to learn is that I have everything I ever need right within me. I can, and I will do this. And I can do it all by myself.