I want to dream in reality...

For such a long time I've been really undecided about what I want to do with my life. In the back of my mind I've always been interested in writing pretty things like poetry, lyrics, quotes and it's helped me through a lot of tough times in the past - it's helped me open up to people and express my deepest and darkest emotions. To share my poems with people make me feel like I'm doing something really touching and it feels like I can help someone, if anyone were to read a poem of mine and be able to relate to the smallest detail within it then I guess I've helped a small part of the world (at least that's how I feel!).
Instead of focusing on doing something that I'm comfortable with, I've decided to write songs, not so much focused on the music but on the message and lyrics behind them. I've always been mesmerised by the way that a song can relate to so many people in so many different ways. I know from my own experiences how much a song can change something - for the best or the worse... I'd love to say that I'm the sort of person that gets out of a bad or negative mood easily, but I don't - I wallow in it for a few days, or at least I used to. I'm trying to change that though, one step at a time, as someone that has helped me through often says to me "take baby steps".
I don't think I want to work in an office - I don't like having lots of pressure put on to me, I don't do well in those situations. I want to be creative in my work, I also want to change the way people think about things/themselves/life. I want to be the healer to wounds and the prit-stick to mend the broken, I also want to be the person that can say "it's okay to feel like this, but you shouldn't let it take over your life". I dream of writing music for people that really know the meaning of the words behind it. I don't want to keep dreaming this, I want to grab it by the shoulders, shake it, and realise that it doesn't always have to be a dream - it's a passion. I love writing, I love letting my inner self out in to the wide world.
In life things don't always go well, sometimes people make mistakes - it's okay to make mistakes though as long as you learn from them and see them as an experience and as an emotional test. One thing I've taken from writing is that you learn more about yourself, about the things that make you stronger and the things that make you wiser. I'd like to think that I've matured since starting to seriously write. I've made decisions I never thought I'd be able to make and ultimately I would like to think I've become a better person. I've decided to show you a very personal poem that taught me that sometimes you just have to learn from mistakes and get on with it as much as possible. I am human however, and I did go back to making the same mistake a few times. I can honestly say that I think I've moved on from that chapter in my life and I feel that I'm strong enough and have enough determination to stop altogether. It's been 42 since the last time I resorted to this and thanks to the people around me - who are the absolute best and they all mean the actual world to me - I don't think I'm going back there again. Whenever I felt weak I'd look at this poem I wrote two summers ago and remember how strong I was feeling and it made me realise I could always get back to that place - regardless of how bad it got...

Self Harm

The summer sunshine.

The wind whipping my arm. 

It all makes me question

Why did I cause myself harm. 

The marks are gone

From the blood that dried.

My face is no longer moist

From the tears I've cried.

I'm starting to move on,
But my silver scars still glisten. 

My heart wants to get better, 

And my head is starting to listen.

               -   Jemma

Without all the beautiful people in my life that have and still are supporting me I'd be lost, thank you      ❤