pride, self-worth, and the future

This past week has been one of the very best weeks of my life, I've done and accomplished so much. I feel powerful, courageous, and worthy of everything that is about to happen.

For a few weeks I've been desperately trying to find a permanent job that offers both security and progression, and after failed attempts, and rejections, I finally have a job and I am more excited than I have ever been in my life (minus when I saw Adele, obviously).

Being rejected is maybe one of the toughest things that can happen, it knocks your confidence and can make you feel so inferior and unworthy. In recent months I've had a few interviews, and each one I had been turned down from because I let my nerves get the better of me and really get in to my head. I felt like I'd worked so hard on interview preparation and how I was going to deliver what I was saying that I forgot the most important thing - to just be myself.

With every rejection I felt myself slipping further away from any kind of hope that I may have once had. I felt like I was turning in to this broken shell of myself. With every set back though, there was someone there to pick me up and let me know that it simply wasn't meant for me, and that my thing would be coming up and it would be just right. I don't think I ever really believed them until this latest experience though; I'm such a believer in putting my faith in the universe now though and that everything is happening for a reason.

I went in to this last interview as me, and me alone. I had confidence in myself and my abilities and knew that I was a strong, intelligent, friendly human being, who was worthy of things because I had worked so so hard for them. And it worked. I remember coming out of that interview and feeling like I was unstoppable. I had been nothing but myself and it was enough, I was enough. One of the women interviewing me came to find me afterwards and told me how well I'd done, after she'd walked away I actually cried legitimate tears of happiness and pride - that's a feeling that no one can ever take away from me, and a moment I'll forever remember.

The way I felt that day, and the subsequent days when I found out I was given the opportunity that I had worked so hard for, was something that I need to remember in the moments when I doubt myself. Sometimes I get caught up in everything that I am not, and I forget everything that I am. Everything that I have gone through has led me to here, and I think I am ok with that. In fact, I know that I am.