change is hard

I've never been good with change; I never feel like I'm quite ready. This time is no exception, because over the next few days so much is going to change in one part of my life and it's really bloody overwhelming. I think this change is so hard because everything is literally so perfect just the way it is, and I am so happy. But it cannot last and we all have to move on one day.

The one thing that I keep repeating to myself over and over again is, "the only constant thing in life is change". It's something that I know, appreciate and understand, but it still doesn't make it any less daunting. At every point in my life where change is imminent I tend to have a little bit of an existential crisis, but there's something about this change that feels different. Maybe it's because I have never felt so comfortable, happy, loved and accepted by a group of people who I've only known for such a short time. Maybe it's because these people are some of my best friends, we're a family and support system and the thought of it never being the same again quite literally breaks my heart. These people have seen me at my lowest point, but have also been there to support me whilst I have grown in to the person I am today. I am who I am now because of their advice, guidance and love.

Maybe it's because I'm scared of rejection. What if, after these changes, I don't fit in anywhere anymore? These people know me inside out, and they accept me for everything that I am. What if other people aren't as understanding, what if they just don't get me? I've given my soul to these people and they've given me their love in return. What if they forget me, and what if things are never the same again?

I know that change has to happen in order for us to grow, and I know that I will be ok. Changes have been and gone before and I'm still here. In fact, I'm stronger than I have ever been. I know that I can do this and that everything happens for a reason. I will be ok, I will. So things are changing, the relationships that I have with people may take on different dynamics but we're still the same people and we'll always have memories filled with kindness, laughter and love.

These past 9 months have been the absolute greatest of my life and I'm so blessed to have made such meaningful relationships with so many people. Things might be changing and moving forwards, but so am I.