being selfish does not make you a selfish person

Ok, ok, so I'm feeling really deep this week. But you know when you're just thinking about how far you have come as a person and you just feel like you want to document how good you feel about yourself for the times when you need a bit of a pep talk. Future Jemma, this is your pep talk, listen up gal...

You know when you were in school and you were so unhappy that you actually didn't see, nor did you want a future. Aren't you glad that you didn't give up - because 23 y/o me sure is. And when you were doing your alevels and were too scared to try because you were scared to fail? Well the moment you got over that fear, you aced it. When you were at uni you couldn't see yourself in a job, you thought you'd never walk in to an interview and do it without tripping over your words. Well girl, you thrive in interview now. You literally love the chance to talk to new people, and you love the challenge of thinking on your feet.

You're the person that you would have envied as a teenager; someone with drive and passion, and everything that you were always too scared to have. Fear doesn't define you, and it should not restrict you. It should push you forward, and make you want things like you never realised you did before.

This year you put yourself first, you chose your own happiness above the happiness of others; yet you still have the compassionate soul you've always had. You let friendships grow with the people that deserved you, and said goodbye to those who dulled your spirit. You have loved people, and felt their love and pride for you. Your confidence has grown beyond recognition, your strength and resilience is like nothing you could have imagined.

So, Jemma. Whenever you feel like you're not achieving your dreams, or like you're not strong enough to make changes in your life. Just remember this:

You are your own hero. You are a warrior. 

sometimes timing is everything

On Tuesday I leave my job, and it feels like the right time. I've loved working there, and I've learned so much, but it definitely feels like it's my time to start something new. Over the past year I've come to notice the subtle hints that the universe tells us. I guess you could say that I've become somewhat more 'in-tune'.

If you read some of my older posts, you'll see just how scared of change I have been. Every milestone of change that I faced has terrified me. But over the last year, thanks to a few people in my life, I've realised that whilst some things change I have the choice in what parts of change can stay the same.

A few days ago one of my best friends told me how proud she was of me for not staying in my current job just because it was easy. She's known me for a long time, and has really seen me grow and develop, and so it meant so much to hear. It got me thinking though; a few years ago I would not have put myself first and made choices to improve myself. If I was the girl that I was, even two years ago, then I would take the easy option simply because I was too scared to try something new. I guess I didn't have the confidence, self-belief, and ultimately the self-worth to challenge myself.

New beginnings used to scare me more than I could ever put in to words. But leaving my current workplace, starting my new job, and living my life with a passion for success makes me so proud. Many, many, years ago someone told me to just carry on taking baby steps forward and before I know it I'll look back and realise that I'm a completely different person with so much strength. She was right.

The pride I feel right now is just everything.