A week of happy #7

1. My friends – being home this weekend I was able to meet up for coffee with someone who means an awful lot to me. It was so so lovely to see her, catch up, have a laugh, and just chat – sometimes I think she knows me better than I know myself, I'm so glad to have people like her in my life. I also got to see my best friend and so that’s always hilarious (especially when he dances around a car park).

2, “I’m in my mums car, broom broom” – if you’ve seen this video then you’ll completely know what I’m talking about. If you’ve been living under a rock, here’s a link to it for you. I’m obsessed with it, and all the little things that have come from it. I tweeted about it a few days ago and it was RT’d by someone; within a few hours it had reached 200+ favourites. (thisis link to that tweet)

3. Laughing – I’ve spent this weekend with my grandparents and we like to play cards (a lot). It’s so funny and my Grandad and I have such a similar sense of humour that we just feed off of each other’s energy. At one stage I was on the floor crying my eyes out over a little joke – it was a ‘you had to be there’ moment, so I won’t bore you! I actually felt sick after laughing so hard which very rarely happens.

4. Not being hot in bed – it’s been ridiculously hot in the UK recently, but for the past few nights I’ve actually been able to snuggle down in to my duvet which is blissful!

5. Coffee – it’s such a comfort for me and with it being cooler I’ve been able to enjoy it a lot more which I’m super happy about. I like mine white with 1.5 sugars (the .5 really does make the difference!).

6. Greek yoghurt – it’s healthy and taste amazing! I love the one’s with the fruit compot as it just gives it a little extra flavour and sweetness.

7. Josh Record’s new album ‘Pillars’ – perfect for the summer. It’s light and airy and just the perfect accompaniment to any good summer chill-out day. My favourite song is definitely “Find Her Way To Me”. His voice is so velvety and gorgeous! It does good things to my soul.

8. Pinterest – I know I said it quite recently, but boy-oh-boy I’m hooked. Seriously I cannot even find words to describe how in love I am with it. It’s the first thing I do when I wake up, the last thing I do before I go to bed. Whenever I am bored I just find myself pinning away inspirational quotes, or funny meme’s, bedroom décor, and wedding ideas (I’m single – not getting married any time soon. Is it ever too early though?).

9. Quotes – it kind of links back to the Pinterest thing, but I’ve always been a sucker for a good quote. I’ve been feeling pretty lost for the past few weeks they definitely help ground me, and I find they just make things make sense.

10. Having some ‘me’ time – I didn’t post anything over the weekend for a few reasons. One of the main reasons is that I just needed a bit of a break and to get in touch with my reality again. I adore writing and so I’m never going to give it up. It’s just that from time to time you need a bit of R&R time. There’s nothing wrong with being a little selfish after all.

(ps, I’m now back with vengeance)

friends & food in the sunshine

Yesterday I went out for dinner with one of my best friends from college. We barely see each other any more, but when we get together it's like nothing has changed between us. I think that's the meaning of true friendship - it lasts the test of time. We met in town (after I caught the bus all by myself - another little mile-stone achieved!) and then tottered off to Pizza Express for some lunch. Unfortunately we had a £10 off when you spend £40 - that clearly meant that we just <u>had</u> to go for three courses. Ooops. Like a complete ditz I only remembered to take pictures of my main course - that's surely enough food porn for one post though, right? To start I had the scrumptious dough balls with garlic butter, #uhhmazing. Then this glorious beast of a pizza is their Pollo Ad Astra Leggera pizza which has a super thin base and a hole in the middle filled with salad - all around 500 calories, talk about guilt free. But... then the guilt came. I was forced to have the most divine Chocolate Glory icecream filled with vanilla icecream, fudgy (I'm already salivating) chocolate sauce and pieces of chocolate fudge cake; I don't think that was quite so under 500 calories...

We were also meant to go and see 'The Fault in our Stars', but because of all our shopping, eating and talking we missed it. Whoops... All in all, a thoroughly enjoyable day with some fabulous company and food.

A week of happy #1

Inspired by the incredible blog, Cider with Rosie, I want to write about my week by focussing on 10 things that have made me happy. Sometimes I forget to find the pleasure in the simplest of things, and everyone is always so caught up in their own busy lives, so I'm making a pact that every Sunday to reflect upon the positive in my previous week.

1. Getting to spend time with my grandparents - My nan and grandad recently came back from their cruise around the mediterranean, I'm super close to them and so it was lovely to have them back home and to spend some quality time with them. They're honestly some of my favourite people in the world and so any time with them is so precious to me. 

2. Drinking tea in my garden in the morning - With the weather being gorgeous lately, the mornings have been the perfect mixture of crisp air and British summertime. I've loved nothing more than having my morning 'peppermint and liquorice' Pukka tea (I'll probably write a whole post about this tea soon - it's heavenly...) with the morning birds chirping away and the sun glowing my skin and getting my daily dose of vitamin D. 

3. Enjoying the sunshine - Linking closely to the latter, quite simply the sunshine makes me happy and so when the weather is like it is - I am a happy chappy. There's something very relaxing about donning some flip-flops and a tee!

4. Catching up with friends - When I stayed with my grandparents I got to catch up with my best friend who I hadn't seen since before christmas. It was lovely to get to catch up and revisit our old 'stomping ground'. I can't wait to catch up again and with other friends soon!

5. Getting complimented on my writing by the editor of my favourite magazine - So I wrote a post about 'Company' magazine a few days ago and tweeted it to their twitter and also the editor - I never thought they would read it, let alone give me any feedback. That's why, when I did, I was so stunned and honoured. For her to be so complimentary about my writing just means the world to me. 

6. Lana Del Rey's new album - I've already done a blog post yesterday about this album so I'll keep this sweet. I'm in love with this album and it's just perfect for the weather at the moment too. 

7. Keeping up with the Kardashian's - So I'm late - very late, on to the bandwagon but I've been obsessed with this show and its re-runs on E! at the moment. I love it so much and I don't even know why, I've never been their biggest fan and totally never got the hype. I have K-fever good and properly now and it's starting to get serious... don't send help though - I'm enjoying it far too much. 

8. Getting in to freshly washed sheets - I don't need to explain this, everyone knows how good it is to do this. It's heavenly - although the process of actually making it is somewhat of a chore. The end result is divine though. 

9. Seeing my mum after her holiday - She's only been gone a week, and I've not missed her. But it's just lovely to see the people that you love. She's been on holiday in Turkey for the past week and it was just nice to have her home again <3. 

10. Daisies in the garden - Everyone seems to hate the sight of daisies in the garden, but I adore them. They remind me of walking through fields on a summers day. From my desk I look out over our back-garden and it just reminds me of the beautiful weather and, I don't know, it's just lovely. 

I've really enjoyed writing this and it's helped me see the beauty in the smallest of things - I'll be looking out for my reasons to be happy next week. I feel like it's really going to help me appreciate the beauty in life a lot more. 

Growing up and feeling like the outsider

Did you ever grow up feeling a bit like an outsider? I know that I did, and in many ways I still do. But I’m here to tell you that although it feels horrible it should not – and will not be the end of your world. As cheesy as it sounds you need to beat to the sound of your own drum. When all is said and done that’ll be the thing that you regret the most. Sure, you need to push yourself in social situations so that you have people that can support you and can make you feel good about yourself. But not everyone needs to like you, some people just won’t and it is nothing to do with you or the type of person you are.

Those people that really matter are the ones that will support you – even in the toughest of times. I am lucky enough to have a few select friends that I know will support me no matter what, and that make me feel okay even when I am the furthest from okay.

At school I was never in the ‘cool group’ and found myself flitting from group to group and never really fitting in. I remember wanting to fit in so much that I would try to mould myself in to someone I wasn’t. Although I had people around me, they weren’t all necessarily friends. I was miserable, and lonely. It’s only as I have gotten older that I’ve found the people who really appreciate me for me. I don’t have to mould myself to, or for anyone.

I think another big factor in it is finding yourself, and that takes time and patience. Even now I still don’t think that I am the person that I want to be. I still have far more to grow, but whilst I’m on that journey I’m still being true and honest to myself. When you start to do things to please yourself, then I promise you that you will start to feel like a stronger and more independent person.

I have a lot of big plans for more blog posts about this theme and I’m going to be starting a new series very soon – so keep your eyes peeled. 

Thoughts

So I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching lately, and just trying to piece together who I am. I know the basics; I’m a twenty year old undergraduate female student from the south-west of England. But after that, I get lost. I have a disability, but I wouldn’t necessarily class myself as disabled. I have great friends, but yet I still class myself as lonely. I’m not sad to be lonely – at least I don’t think so. I seem to be quite happy just plodding along with my life full of nothingness. I’ve just completed my first year of university and should feel so much more independent and have such a wide group of new friends. Truth is, I don’t though. I had one of the hardest years of my life and I’ve come out of it with nothing other than good grades and experience. Is that nothing though? The wisdom I have learnt from this year has surely helped me become “me” – whoever that is.

I saw a poem floating around Facebook recently about how without technology who would you actually have in your life. That struck a chord with me. I’ve come to realise that without my phone and the connection to the internet I wouldn’t have anyone. I can’t remember the last time I saw one of my friends in person. Sure, we talk all the time on the phone but without that instant messaging what would we have? I hope that it would still be the same, but I am certainly not naïve.

There are so many social expectations that I feel like I should have lived up to by now: I should have a job, be able to drive, see my friends every weekend. I don’t have or do any of these things and recently it’s left me feeling more and more like a failure. I see friends of friends on Facebook announcing their social calendar and watch as the pictures follow the posts shortly after. Whilst I sit there in my pyjama’s watching back-to-back episodes of gossip girl.

It’s like there are two people within me. There’s the one who wants to do all these things, has all these goals, ambitions and courage by the bucket load. Then there’s the other one; afraid to step out of her comfort zone for fear of being judged. It’s like my heart is telling me to do all these things, yet my head had put a barricade around the thought of anything new – anything remotely scary.

You see, I’m a thinker and not a doer. I have wild ambitions, okay maybe not that wild, but I’m scared of failing and so I don’t even allow myself to try. That’s not the way that it should be. I shouldn’t be scared of failing, failing is okay. I get anxious about things I shouldn’t even care about: making a phonecall, applying for a job, doing something new and out of my comfort zone.

If this was me a few months ago then I would lie to myself and say this would be the part saying that I’m going to change and that I’m going to start making proactive choices. Don’t get me wrong, I’d love to be able to say that. But the truth is that I don’t really know how to. I’ve been this way for so long that I’m unsure as to how I could even start. I want to be different. I want to have stories that I can tell my children, and grandchildren. I want to be remembered. I want to inspire myself. I want to be the girl that actually does something that scares her, just to prove that she can. I hope I get there, I hope I can be that girl that I’ve always wanted to be.